Dear Joshua,

I know you must roll your eyes still because I talk to you everyday. I know I still cry when you told me to laugh. I hope you understand. There will always be that place that aches, that hurts. I have apprehensive about January coming. This month started out with your birthday and then Christmas. It just wasn't the same. I couldn't help but remember last year when the postal workers knew my name and knew where the packages were going. I remember spending Christmas Eve with your mom's family and having such a great time. And the picture we took for you. I remember opening the presents for you that we decided not to send out to you. I remember the best gift I got was to hear your voice. That was one of the last times I ever heard your voice. I still wish that I could hear it one more time. Just to know that you are all right. I know the ornament on the tree with your picture doesn't begin to take your place but I hope you know that you were a part of our holiday this year. I remember how we couldn't wait for the new year to come so that we could be in the "home stretch." A couple of days ago I finally looked through the pictures that were taken at the beginning of the year. The day you flew home, the day we laid you to rest at home. It was like viewing a dream. Part of it for me is still numb. Today I went through a bunch of memorial items and just stared at your picture. Memories flooded my mind. I smiled and yes I teared up. I really wish we had ice here in New Mexico so we could go ice fishing in your honor. I feel so blessed to be able to talk about you, to be able to honor you in my new home. You have a place of honor here, along with your fellow fallen brothers. I know that you are in a better place and that you are looking over all of us. God bless you babe.

love forever, jess